I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
