it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
