Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
