Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
