just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
