please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
