She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
