Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
