i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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