Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
