Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
