Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
