We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
