I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
