im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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