GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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