This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
