Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
