Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
