; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
