Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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