just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize