we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
