trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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