He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
