Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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