Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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