So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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