ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
