He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
