I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize