I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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