shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
