saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
True college students do jello shots in the library
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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