I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize