So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
