i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
