I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
