God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
