guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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