He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
