i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
