3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
