I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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