apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
