im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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