You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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