If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
