College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize