You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
