Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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