I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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