His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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