Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
