thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
