good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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