Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
