My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
