I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
