my shit smells like andre
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
