WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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