The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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