he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
