so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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