do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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