so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
