I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
