i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
