he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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