I want to make a zoo with you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
