I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
