you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
