I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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