It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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