Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
