Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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