Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
