Did you just see the Batmobile???
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
