Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
